“Now how can I perfect this,
Livin’ reckless, die for my necklace,
Crime infected, drivin’ a Lexus with a death wish…”
I have been drawing again.
My crackhead doodles seem to be the source of some amusement for you pisslords. Fuck knows why. They look like they were scribbled by a borderline retarded seven year-old. With his hands tied behind his back. And his legs tied to his balls.
Anyway… I figured I would stop drawing pictures of my mates shagging each other (peel that onion), and try to come up with some characters of my own. Anyone who follows me on Twitter will know that nothing makes me snigger more than dildos. I dunno… Dildos are just inherently funny things. And it’s a funny word. So I figured I would incorporate that into my first character.
So, without further ado, I present to you… Dildo Daryl.
Dildo Daryl is right into his dildos, as you can see. He loves nothing more than tearing up his hole with a shiny new dildo; and can often be found riding around town on his dirtbike while sucking off his favourite dildo. His middle name is “Pleasure”.
Obviously, I didn’t want to post Daryl on Facebook. I probably shouldn’t have posted him here, either.
I need my fucking head examined.
Wanna know what makes guys cum really quick?
Whispering “don’t cum yet, I’m almost there” in our ear.
No One Knows What It Means, But Its Provocative.
That’s The Throne watched, then. Belting weekend. The gig was so OTT and ridiculous that I don’t even think words can do it justice. I’ll try, though…
HIGHLIGHTS:
> The Production. What a stage show. I’m usually a fan of more intimate gigs, but pfffft… This shit was something to behold. Only thing missing was a dancing elephant.
> Jay doing “Where I’m From”.
> Kanye doing “Theraflu” acapella (and damn near everyone in the arena rapping along word for word, despite it being a leaked internet track less than a month old).
> “PSA”. If there is a better start to a song than “Allow me to reintroduce myself, my name is HOV! H to the O-V, I used to sell snowflakes by the O-Z…”, along with that Just Blaze beat kicking in, then let me know, and I’ll politely tell you that you’re full of shit. The place went fucking nuts.
> The encore. “Niggas In Paris” six fucking times… Audacity.
> Louise’s face during the encore. She was pretty much the only person not going mental in the O2 for the sixth airing of the song. She looked fed up. She might have just been tired right enough, what with her advanced years.
> Kanye’s “808’s” bit. I need to revisit that album. Got a feeling I’ll still hate it (at the time I thought it sounded like a bleeding vagina), but it might have aged well. The songs worked really well live.
> “No Church In The Wild”. Best song on the album for me. Two lyrically brilliant verses, and an even better chorus. Translated well live, even without Frank Ocean there to sing.
LOWLIGHTS:
> The Seats. Wish I was down the front in the standing bit… It looked like sheer tomfuckery from where we were. People were losing their fucking minds.
> Rihanna. She came out for “Run This Town” and “All Of The Lights”… And couldn’t sing to save herself. I’d rather staple my cock to a burning log than endure her singing live again. I wanna put a baby in her butt, though.
> “H.A.M.” First song they played. Still heavy shite.
> The drunk bint next to us. Louise looked like she was trying to will the bitch to spontaneously combust at one point. Actually, maybe this should be a highlight.
> Kanye not wearing his skirt. He had it on on every previous date on the tour… Why not on this night?
> Me realsing I’m bothered by Kanye not wearing his skirt. This isn’t even worth a “No Homo”. Fuck it.
So that’s that. For someone who doesn’t like big, arena-type shows, I was pretty much blown away. It was a spectacle. And they have hits for days, obviously. The rest of the weekend had various highlights and lowlights too, involving chest infections, extreme alcohol consumption, a samba singer in a mad wee pub in Soho, Chelsea winning the Champions League, and some major fuckery on the flight home. Ask me about them another time, cos I’m going to my bed.
I’m off to Watch The Throne.
Back in a few days. Cairns is in charge until I return.
#ballsohardmuthafuckaswannafineme
R.I.P.
Shit’s weird. Chuck Brown yesterday, Jimmy Castor a few months back… Feels like a lot of the architects of the music I love are passing on. It’s sad. This one has hit me the hardest, because although she didn’t have the monstrous breakbeats that Chuck and Jimmy had (that would go onto form many of the modern songs I love), I definitely listened to Donna’s music the most.
